We all need a code to live by. Ideally, this code should be simple and direct, but also sweeping enough to cover most of the situations we’re likely to encounter. Hence, the popularity of the bible’s Ten Commandments.
Over the years a lot of people have done satirical takeoffs on these behavioral dictates, often in a tongue in cheek manner to illustrate how a particular class of people at a particular time are behaving in an especially questionable manner. One of my favorite such takeoffs is Sir Arthur Hugh Clough’s "The Latest Decalogue," which targets the hypocrisy of Victorian England.
Here, I carry though on this noble and invariably necessary parody tradition with "The Ten Market Commandants." This poem is part of my Songs of Wall Street collection.
The Ten Market
Commandments
When your bum deals rise from the muck
Thank Higher Powers, never luck;
Win foreign contracts with bribes paid
Then shout hossannas to Free Trade;
Return not slights, it makes things worse
Trim down instead the slighter’s purse;
Never hide your civic virtues
Hype them in TV commercials;
Mom and dad, for your biog, props
Buy mom a condo, dad new socks;
Destroy no one, as you ascend
Unless, of course, it serves some end;
Dipping pens in office inkwells
Often has sad courtroom sequels;
Don’t bother stealing, its passe
Peddling bonds is the better way;
Disdain lying to those you’ve bled
Send them to your lawyer instead;
Covet all, but then reveal
Your actions serve the public weal.
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