On those relatively rare occasions when a sitting Congressman runs into real opposition, the gloves come off and promises proliferate.
A Passionate Congressman
To His Constituents
Come vote for me and back my run,
And once this next election’s won,
For your int’rests I will slave,
Never acting like a knave.
I’ll balance ev’ry yearly budget,
And never, never, never fudge it;
I’ll keep a tight lid on your taxes,
Even as your income waxes.
I’ll get you medicine for free,
Protect social security;
For your pet peeves I’ll play the cupid,
No matter how inane or stupid.
When terrorists cause nasty shocks,
I’ll hunt them down and punch their clocks;
Bad CEOs will feel my wrath;
Until they learn an honest math.
Your special needs I won’t forget,
Be you soccer mom or vet;
And woe to those who soft drugs peddle,
Unless that’s you, then I won’t meddle.
My opponent’s ads are hokum,
All his promises he’s broken.
Believe me—you don’t want that bum;
So vote for me and back my run.
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