This seems like a good time to re-run our Alan Greenspan poem. Written to rhyme with Gilbert and Sullivan’s Modern Major-General ditty from “The Pirates of Penzance,” it’s our personal farewell to a Fed Chairman who is about to take leave from a long stint at a tough posting.

A Model Central Banker

Solo
Al Greenspan is the model of a modern central banker,
He moves those int’rest rates around without a hint of rancor,
He knows more economics than professors or librarians,
He knows more law than lawyers, more ‘bout crops than most agrarians;
They love his presentations in the hallowed halls of Conger-ess,
He dishes out predications that are weighty, dull and ponderous,
And everyone is certain that his nostrums will all troubles stem,
If only they could figure out just what it was he said to them.

Chorus
If only they could figure out just what it was he said to them.
If only they could figure out just what it was he said to them.
If only they could figure out just what it was he said to them.

Solo
He watches ev’ry twist and turn that’s coming out of Tokyo,
About new Europe’s Union there is nothing that he doesn’t know,
Consumption numbers ‘round the world he’s figured, parsed and memorized,
Though mostly he just works to see inflation is kept undersized.

Chorus
Consumption numbers ‘round the world he’s figured, parsed and memorized,
Though mostly he just works to see inflation is kept undersized.

Solo
While others find it boring when they talk of a derivative,
‘Bout options and ‘bout warrants he is endlessly inquisitive,
When panic grips stock markets he administers liquidity,
So Nasdaq and the Big Board can proceed with serendipity;
Commodities he monitors, identical and fungible,
No market is permitted to be anything but spongible,
He’s cognoscente of dangers from both leverage and arbitrage,
Due diligence he advocates with no attempt at camouflage.

Chorus
Due diligence he advocates with no attempt at camouflage.
Due diligence he advocates with no attempt at camouflage.
Due diligence he advocates with no attempt at camouflage.

Solo
Domestic stocks are not the only ones that he is wary of,
The Bolsa and the FTSE and the DAX he has a theory of,
There’s no exchange for which he doesn’t have some set parameters,
Believe me when I tell you this is not a job for amateurs.

Chorus
There’s no exchange for which he doesn’t have some set parameters,
Believe me when I tell you this is not a job for amateurs.

Solo
He monitors bond yields whether discounted or nominal,
His knowledge in this field is nothing short of pure phenomenal,
Be it callable or putable or easily convertible,
Whether stripped or swapped or zeroed, whether rated or unrateable;
The Ginnie Maes and Fannie Maes and Sallie Maes and Freddie Macs,
Are just some of the instruments he ponders and he daily tracks,
With corporates he’s a master and with treasuries the reigning king,
He’s learned the tricks with munis and ‘bout sovereigns knows everything.

Chorus
He’s learned the tricks with munis and ‘bout sovereigns knows everything.
He’s learned the tricks with munis and ‘bout sovereigns knows everything.
He’s learned the tricks with munis and ‘bout sovereigns knows everything.

Solo
Though shorter than Paul Volker and much slimmer than Wim Duisenberg,
He works a room like magic, he’s a champion at schmoozing nerd,
Around the world its hard to find a man with powers grandier,
You wonder when he has the time to say hello to Andrea.

Chorus
Around the world its hard to find a man with powers grandier,
You wonder when he has the time to say hello to Andrea.

********