It’s said that a New York analyst recently gave a favorable rating to a company’s stock in return for help getting his children into a fashionable preschool. This story got me wondering: What’s the syllabus for kids in such institutions? Might it include traditional nursery rhymes refurbished into financial primers for little people? The upshot of these ruminations is the dozen market nursery rhymes that follow:
Lynn & Phil
(originally Jack & Jill)
Lynn and Phil
Just got the bill
For heeding talking heads.
Now Phil’s lost all
His hard earned cash
And Lynn is spaced on meds.
*****
Old Mister Wilcox
(originally Old Mother Hubbard)
Old Mister Wilcox
Went to the post box
To pick up his pension check.
He got a big scare
‘Cause nothing was there
And so his old age is a wreck.
*****
Frank Foot
(originally Jack Spratt)
Frank Foot, he bought a put
His wife she bought a call,
So whether stocks go up or down
Concerns them not at all.
*****
Greedy Investors
(originally Little Jack Horner)
Greedy investors
Are always in quest of
The deals that made big bucks quick.
They buy on a hunch
And lose by the bunch
Then think: "This is making me sick."
*****
Dickory Hickory Hock
(originally Hickory, Dickory, Dock)
Dickory, hickory, hock,
My stocks dropped like a rock,
After the fall
A margin call,
Dickory, hickory, hock.
*******
If Stocks Went Up Forever
(originally If All The World Were Paper)
If stocks went up forever
And downturns didn’t lurk,
And all our bonds
Paid up on time
Would anybody work?
*****
It’s Raging, It’s Roaring
(originally It’s Raining, It’s Pouring)
It’s raging, It’s roaring
The Nasdaq is soaring
Rates go down.
We lose our frown
And all the bulls came out of mourning.
Bear, bears, out the gate
Find a cave and hibernate
Johnny wants to celebrate.
*****
Little No Weep
(originally Little Bo Peep)
Little No Weep will lose no sleep
If jitters hit the market
She feels no chills, with Treas’ry bills
The safest place to park it.
*****
Whimpy Blimpy
(originally Humpty Dumpty)
Whimpy Blimpy’s stocks hit the wall,
Whimpy Blimpy’s bonds took a fall.
All of his efforts to get himself clear
Couldn’t keep Whimpy off of welfare.
*****
Lemming Investors
(originally Birds Of A Feather, Flock Together)
Lemming investors, always pester,
Others in search of tips.
When these others lose their nerve,
They throw in their own chips.
*******
When Each Day I Go To Trade
(originally Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep)
When each day I go to trade
I ask the Lord this prayer be heard:
That them who makes my assets lessen
Will never win a place in heaven.
*******
Bonds from Argentina
(originally Ring-A-Round The Roses)
Bonds from Argentina.
Took me to the cleaner
Defaults! defaults!
All crashed down
******* |
