I seem destined to parody bad nineteenth century American verse. I can’t help myself. There’s so much of the stuff, and I love it all.
This time around, my inspiration is John Pope Morris’ immortal "Woodman, Spare That Tree!" The poem purports to tell the story of a guy trying to save a tree (an elm or an oak, it’s not made clear) that did him some good turns when he was a kid, from the ax of a logger who seeks to cut the tree down. This charming, anthropomorphic conceit is delivered in an unbroken 8-beat-per-line, 4-line-per-stanza package reminiscent of the early work of Paul Anka.
Like the original, my updated version of this Morris poem is a plea to save a helpless party—in this case, me—from the predations not of a woodman, but from the ministrations of my elected representatives. It’s called: "Congress, Cut My Tax!"
Congress, Cut My Tax!
Congress, cut my tax!
I need that money now!
If rates you won’t relax
My vote you’ll lose I vow.
I know that things are tough
You’re once more in the red
But you can print the stuff
Or borrow it instead.
Ask Greenspan for the dough
Or Daschle, Bush, Cheney
They sure ain’t running low
They’ve got lots more than me
My money’s awf’ly stretched
To pay for my kids’ schools
The rest is mostly fetched
By health insurance ghouls
Congress, don’t just talk
Heed my humble plea:
While doling out the pork
Please, save a slice for me.
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