Captain Pork

You may talk of balanced books
And call big spenders schnooks
When the media is gathered round to hear;
But back where they elect you
Something else makes folks respect you,
It’s the goodies you bring home that makes them cheer.
Whether times are bad or good
They want bacon in the ‘hood,
And think old Uncle Sam’s their local giver.
Any rep who proves a sloth
In the race to tap this trough
Is soon replaced by one who can deliver.

For it’s pork, pork, pork,
The pros all doff their hats to Captain Pork.
About war and peace they’ll argue
And debate a trade embargo
But the bottom line is always: ‘where’s my pork?’

Though many call it waste
None won’t queue up for a taste,
For legislators this is a no-brainer.
They’ll trim appropriations
To needy foreign nations,
But the pork will pass through any budget strainer.
Be it roads that go nowhere,
Dams and dikes, a country fair,
Or a monorail that none will ever ride;
It’s the universal grease,
‘Give me some, you’ll get your piece,’
All the well-connected float upon this tide.

For it’s pork, pork, pork,
The feasting beast would-be incumbents stalk.
Cut it thick and grab a fork,
No one walks or balks or squawks,
They’ll never put a cork in Captain Pork.

*******