THE PAPERLESS OFFICE
by Leon Freilich
Dear friends at I.R.S., good day.
I know its not the usual way,
Writing you in January,
But damn, April 15th is very
Far off and Ive such wonderful news,
Theres not a blessed moment to lose.
To put it as briefly as I can,
My comptroller called from his sedan
To tell me that my year was splendid,
Much more than I had comprehended;
It seems Ive left the world of squalor,
With an unexpected two-billion dollar
Net worth! Thats right, Im a billionaire,
And thats what Im writing to declare.
You see, I run a synergy-trading
Company that began pervading
The technological operations
Of all the major corporations,
Propelling them on a speedy trek
That took them to the highest tech.
Its quite complex and hard to fathom
Without falling into a spathm;
The whole idea came from me;
I call it original synergy.
If you like, Ill spell it out in faxes,
But first, the matter of my taxes.
Appreciate my latest surprise
On learning from the financial guys
The company I thought was solid
Deep down is actually squalid,
Leaking losses like a sieve,
Leaving me not a cent to give.
In fact, its you who owe me now:
Two hundred twenty-seven thou.
Of course, youre IRS, and hence,
Are wondering, Wherere the documents?
Well, dont imagine Im lacking proof;
It reaches all the way to the roof:
My auditor knows where and when--
Check with Arthur Andersen.
The motto that they love to utter
Is do away with paper clutter.
And if youre feeling adventuresome,
Double check with my White House chum.