Song of Solomon [Brothers]

by Matthew Lee, Oct. 3, 2002

http://www.innercitypress.org

The trick's to keep the share price high.
Then no need for successor, and no need to die.
Look at Gerry Ford, still tottering on the board:
John Reed's buried where the lobbyists are stored.

So what if Grubman steered the hoi polloi wrong--
When the news got out, Jack Grubman was gone.
So Bernie Ebbers got a heads-up on a couple IPOs:
It's cheaper than comping CFOs to Broadway shows.

This Spitzer's a pisser, however,
With his vague talk of Chinese walls.
Will he indict? Should we act contrite?
More than Pitt, this Spitzer has balls.

And the Journal's Gasparino
Makes A One with every leak.
The outlook for reputation,
Even Sandy can see it looks bleak.

So bring in Chuck Prince to glower and schmooze--
With these kinds of moves, how can Citi lose?
Even Rep. Oxley says that Chuck is the man,
Leaping taller buildings then even Bob Rubin can.

"First we settle with the Federal Trade
Sixty cents on the dollar for the dirty loans we made.
Next, five large for the Winstar pay-to-play.
Now only Spitzer's bluster stands in our way.

"We sure want to settle -- but it's got to be global.
We want to atone -- but we need to be mobile.
We'll pay a big fine since it's all tax-free
That the people pay the bill is the way it's supposed to be.

"For every mea culpa, the stock spikes up a tick.
The markets use a carrot, not old T.R.'s big stick.
To buy a German brokerage we can take a one-time charge
Like the bull on Bowling Green, Mr. Sandy still lives large."

But what of the widows on whose homes you foreclose?
What of the investors to whom you refuse to disclose?
What of the employees whose pensions were cut in half?
From above Park Avenue, Mr. Sandy was heard to laugh:

"I charged hard out of Brooklyn, buying everything in sight.
The greatness of America's like this: might makes right.
Now the bubble burst an' it's me they wanna blame?
One last big merger then I'm outta the game."

While the journalists for face-time beg,
And Ecuador's currency on Citi is pegged,
And even Sir Alan Greenspan takes Sandy's midnight call:
It all works smooth, right up until the Fall....

[January 2003: Citigroup, like Enron, is worthless.
The Emperor, like WorldCom, is left without a dress.
This has forward-looking statements, it is not advice to buy-
But unlike Ten Q's or K's, sometimes a poem doesn't lie]